I didn’t want to do anything today.

I was awake most of the night so that may be why I was basically like screw it I am tired today. The only time that my insomnia disappeared was when I had flu for a fortnight. This is my normal and I hate it! I just feel frustrated due to the fact that I thought after many years I had finally fixed it. Apparently, the BPD part of me is still at the uncontrolled stage according to people who are older than me. I still have my intense streak (my zodiac sign is Scorpio, sorry I am not all as mellow as the rest and am confusing due to being born on the cusp of libra) and I am still excitable easily. I think that it is an age thing mainly though. There there are people that say I have a lot of potential to do many things. I don’t agree but at only 5 ft 2, I have taken on people twice my size and quite large scale issues before I have even built my understanding around them. That is more stupidity than any sign of intelligence. I am used to being the most inexperienced in anything that I have gone into so I jump fully into stuff to give the illusion that I am confident about what I am doing. In time maybe I will be one of those that change the system but that is a huge responsibility to place on anyones head coming up from whatever degrees they are studying. We need more collective thinking and agreement. That isn’t happening enough to bring that system change yet. I may not even finish my degree due to my learning disabilities and everything else making me struggle at just level 2 module. Please don’t put the pressure on me to graduate because in reality it may not happen.

Author: Diary of a Painfully Shy Introvert

A blog written by a female diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome but suspected PDA in more recent years. Musings of a Trainee Battleaxe was created to not only create awareness of the PDA part of the spectrum; but also to educate the public hopefully creating understanding in order to stop future generations being let down and labelled negatively. Disclaimer: There may be parts of this blog which viewers may find upsetting as it contains accounts of real life events which have been quite traumatic. However, it is all to help create a sense of understanding and combat the fear surrounding all aspects of mental illness and Pathological Avoidance Syndrome (a very little understood part of the autistic spectrum).

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