Very tired and been an emotional night.

I didn’t get to sleep until at least half 4 this morning. I was watching casualty briefly while ironing a few things. There was a girl on there who was facing her baby being removed by the services. It brought everything back for me. I was scrolling through TikTok on the forced adoption hashtag. I was sharing a few things on Twitter too. I woke up quite early because the air in my flat was ice cold. I put the heater on but it hasn’t warmed up much yet. I also have noticed how my health has dipped as I get further into my 30s. I used to have lovely full eyelashes naturally but recently they have started falling out to the point where one side has a little gap. I am losing hair quite regularly but not in clumps, it is thinning. I miss the days of being 20 something with none of the stress showing on my face. I miss my body working better than it does now.

I have always had iffy parts of me, like my monthly issues but never have I felt this physically broken. I hate what time is gradually doing to my looks. Others probably don’t notice those changes but up close they can be seen. I can try to lose a few stone but my former looks won’t return. I am doubtful that my eyelashes will ever grow back properly. I am getting worn out teeth despite oil pulling with coconut oil daily. The enamel has gone a bit in some of them. There is a treatment where they put it back into your teeth but its extremely expensive and not ever going to be affordable by the average person. I caused that issue myself by brushing my teeth not long after I had a soft drink several times over a few months thinking that it would prevent damage but apparently it brushes the acid into them. On one side of my mouth at the back all my teeth are extremely worn down. I was given a gum shield to stop my teeth grinding when I was asleep but I never used it. It is virtually impossible to get a dentist at the moment if you desperately need one.

I also have brittle nails which isn’t helping me feel any better about myself when they break and look bad. The weather isn’t helping due to making my hands super dry and sore. I keep getting ear scabs too. That has been happening for a long time now. I give up contacting my GP trying to get anything investigated because you have to wait weeks for a phone appointment, getting a face to face one is like trying to win the lottery at the moment. I shouldn’t be so tired all the time. I will just get told that I should be taking my iron tablets which make my monthlies totally out of control. Those things aren’t for long term use and they put me on them over 3 years ago now. I had my ankle sprain that refuses to properly heal up making that leg collect water regularly. It is slowly improving but not at a very quick rate. I can’t sit with my ankle at an angle due to it going numb which can be extremely annoying when I am trying to get comfortable on the sofa.