Day: November 23, 2021

I used to lose weight so easily. I would be down at least a stone by this point. I am tired most of the time which makes it hard to burn off more weight. I have practically quit alcohol. I drink a little pack a week at the most but last week I could barely drink anything like that. I know there is something wrong with me. The last blood test results the doctors gave me was the most off I have ever had. They forget that now we can see our own results on the system where we log in that we can check numbers etc. Some of those numbers weren’t in normal range but they put most of them down as satisfactory. Well, if I can barely do anything half the time it isn’t satisfactory to me. Also, just because I am a woman doesn’t mean that it definitely my monthlies giving me anaemia. However, this is what doctors assume. The things they gave me made those parts of me worse. I had scans, nothing came back. That doesn’t mean that I am just depressed or mental stress is the reason for it. I am used to mental stress, technically I no longer feel it. I have a thicker skin now that I am a bit older. The day sleepiness is definitely not linked to insomnia now as I haven’t had that for the last week at least. I still have the cold thing slightly. This has been going on for a few years now though. I just want to be able to function normally without ending up worn out. I went for a walk just before it got dark but that will probably wipe me out.

I sometimes wonder if certain things are a sign if you hear the same comment repeatedly in a short space of time. Multiple times I have heard that the midlands is getting rather unfriendly nowadays or always has been unfriendly. Many have said that it is nicer to live up north of the UK. I even found people more friendly and accepting down south (apart from a few London areas, but that is more about safety issues they have in that locality). I don’t know what it is about the part of the country where I was born and returned to. There is just a certain inbuilt selfish mentality here. That is worse in rural areas where the towns consist of most groups of people who are either related by birth or marriage. they stay in their little groups and it is virtually impossible to be part of anything if you are what is seen as an ’outsider’. That just seems to be the way it is… they aren’t welcoming, they sometimes try to be but their general demeanour says it is fake and they cannot be trusted. Maybe these comments are saying that I should move up north? Things seem to be different up there from what I hear. We can’t seem to get half the services etc in the midlands, especially in the part where I am located. I don’t like it here but it is a huge upheaval to relocate. I have to be out my current flat in April due to landlord wanting to sell. The only worry I have about relocating is benefit updating in a new area which triggers a move to universal credit from ESA. If I save enough to move and live off while sorting it out. I won’t be able to get eligibility for a council place in a new area due to having no family links etc. It will be a big risk and quite scary but getting away from this part of the country will probably mentally help me.