I was let down by the system but I still feel responsible for those failings.

I know that it wasn’t my fault that the system failed me. I can’t help to feel responsible for the system failing me. I am aware that this does not make sense, however, I still can’t turn that part of me off. I haven’t managed to sleep properly for years since my son was taken for adoption. I can’t remember the last time I was truly relaxed. I don’t feel like that has been for many years. I wish that I was able to let it go. I would love to be able to accept that it wasn’t my fault. There was nothing that I actually did on a personal level that led to the system letting me down. The fact that I was born with a form of autism and developed other mental health issues is not my fault. I still think that it is my fault because I got punished for how things affected me. That doesn’t help to let go of the things that continue to weigh me down from the past. I just can’t shake free of the things that cause my insomnia, anxiety and depression. The system will never admit that it let me down. That isn’t something that they are open about due to potential liability cases if any parts of the system do admit fault. That doesn’t help anyone that has been failed by the system to accept various things and properly move on.

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