I fell asleep in the middle of the discussion where people were invalidating my experiences and aspects of my life. Society doesn’t get to pick and chose what aspects of mental illness it decides to understand and accommodate. This is exactly why most of the prison population had a form of mental illness (saw it with my own eyes so don’t try to discredit me if you haven’t been behind those walls). I explained aspects of my autism which isn’t as clear cut to neurotypicals or those without autism alongside mental health problems. I will not be posting this entry in local groups in case these people come back for round two. I can deal with this crap due to being used to it. Then I had someone dig at me for my weight below an entry where I said that I was too fat for going on TikTok live. Please don’t be a prick to people online purely because you simply do not relate to them or their life experiences. Be thankful that you and those close to you didn’t get these issues which happened to me due to who I am. Do not try to tell me that child services don’t take children for nothing. They take children from those of us that don’t conform to the stereotypes on their tick box list of what constitutes a stable home. I was offered ab abortion by the adult services but I refuses. I was on my own, his father agreed to get me pregnant as long as he had no further involvement. I was told I had to give up my home where I was settled to live with a relative 70 miles away back to where I grew up. I did it as they told me if I didn’t do what I was told. I told them that me living with my mum would never work but I would have lost him at birth if I hadn’t obeyed. I had a malicious reporter in the background hell bent on getting him taken away. I had no chance put in the situation where I was being attacked from all angles.
I believe in telling the truth but I haven’t always not lied. I didn’t feel that I could possibly tell the truth when it came to my mental health or autism. I told lies to cover up the damaged parts of me. I should’ve just told the truth but there was a hell of a lot more stigma during those times than there has been the previous few years. I don’t know how I can possibly explain aspects of borderline personality disorder and Pathological demand avoidance without making people assume that I am either a weirdo, trouble maker or potential danger. How do you explain aspects of those traits without evoking those assumptions in other peoples minds? The medical profession treats people with BPD like they are manipulative awful individuals anyway and they supposedly have an idea what it is. I would have loved to have been able to disclose the truth in past instances but I said I had cancer or some other physical illness which people do carry some kind of sympathy towards. I am not proud of lying but the truth was too hard to understand for others. Either way others will be angry with the lie or my BPD I was trying to cover up. I couldn’t win in reality. I just wanted to be liked and BPD doesn’t help in that department.