Day: November 2, 2021

I finally got my lazy ass out of bed. I definitely needed the extra sleep. I feel so much better now! I didn’t go for a walk today as there are stupid kids (well teenagers) egging houses in the area where I live. I saw it on one of the local area things as I was getting dressed to go gym this evening. I look a lot better for seeing daylight the last two days and the bags have gone from my eyes after that long sleep. I haven’t eaten today since breakfast cereal at about 5am this morning. That is showing in my performance. I can’t up my performance in regard to weight level and add more lifts yet. I’m able to lift more weight by the bottom half of my body. I still haven’t built up the strength in my arms yet. I should have reasonable strength in my arms due to lifting bags of cat litter into my flat from the car park once a week. I shouldn’t have weighed myself today as my weight hasn’t changed (despite the walking), it may be built muscle rather than fat but it still put a dampener on my progress. I am exercising and typing which means I am trying to stay motivated. I will be so happy when I am under 13 stone, only a few lbs to go. I still have over a stone and a half to lose until I am back to the weight appropriate for my height. That will just help me fit into my clothes much better if I get to 12 stone something, then I will aim for 11 stone which is where I was drifting for the last few years before I ballooned. Then at least I will know I am back to where my body was naturally drifting after hitting 30 years old. Then I will be upping my efforts as being lighter I will be able to move much easier due to how I am naturally built, at the moment I am dragging my extra weight around which gets tiring when working out due to being built petite.

I slept ok last night (well, as good as it gets for me). I slept a lot today too and felt too comfy to get up when I woke up. I woke up with Mimi asleep under in my arm (she always puts herself there when I am too asleep to notice). She will never sit in my arms and fall asleep with me. Mister was on the pillow next to me when I woke up. The thought of getting up is too much today! I have stuff to do and its a gym day but I am just not motivated. If I don’t get up soon then I will miss daylight again. Mister is bored so I will have to get up before he wrecks the place. He is in that kind of mood today. If I get him to chase something around for an hour it normally uses all his excess energy which he uses to wreck the place. He will then fall asleep for hours on one of his favourite spots. I wish that I had his energy today. I just feel drained and every part of my body aches. I mentally am just thinking screw everything to sleep. I can’t do that but if I could sleep for days at a time then I would. It is so much better than reality. Every day life is just a source of burn out and stress. I hate every single minute of being awake. I don’t like my life on general. There would be more stress trying to change it than putting up with the status quo of who I am and how things have been for all my adult years. I don’t want to try to meet people, make friends etc because every person out there has the potential to hurt me and could make my existence worse. I just can’t be bothered with all that baggage. I would rather have a none eventful life which verges on boring than a load of drama. Those of us who are different are a magnet for others to scapegoat whenever there is potential trouble about to hit the fan. I don’t want all that ever again.