Today is difficult.

I didn’t sleep well again last night, despite all the exercise. The rain is back again. I wish that it would go away. The 10,000 steps challenge is very hard to do when the weather is bad. Admittedly, it isn’t as bad now as yesterday. I’m not sure if I even fit into my coat at the moment. I weigh too much to properly fit into a size 12 at the moment. I don’t feel like getting up at the moment. I may have pushed myself too hard yesterday because my nose bled after I got back from the gym. I’m just so tired today. I need to wash my hair because it is at the itchy stage. The energy to get up and dressed feels challenging enough.

I enquired after another flat today, the one I looked at last week has gone. This other one was gone even before I could arrange to view it. I really don’t think it is going to be easy. There is a shortage of rental housing, especially cheaper ones that are in my price range. They either have the storage heating that I know is expensive from previous experience or get let too quickly to give me a chance to go for it. I know that sometimes you just have to take the best option, but the place I’m in now is better than any of the places I’ve looked at so far. I don’t particularly want to live back at my mums. It just wouldn’t work. I would have to put my furniture in storage which costs extra money. I won’t be able to afford it as they will look at my benefits when I change my address and the ESA allowance gets reduces if live with another person. I will then struggle more to get PIP renewed in a few years when it runs out. The upheaval is also going to affect my university study as I do it from home. I can’t afford to fail a level 2 module because the result goes towards my final degree score. I have had more issues sleeping since finding out that I have to move because the owner is selling. Then ballooned in weight and drank more alcohol. I cannot change that and apparently lots of landlords are selling at the moment due to what is happening and the after math of covid. It wasn’t an option to sell flat with a tenant according to the letting agent that came to take photos, they won’t get the money that they want for the place if they sell it like that. I really could do without having to move for at least another 5 years. Things are just too complex when you don’t work due to disability. Disabled people do work but due to the nature of mine I can’t function enough on a daily basis to hold down employment. I struggle more than I share in public.