I do understand that we need to know what’s going on but there’s too much politics involved in everything that is going on. We should put politics aside and do what we need to do. There should be no ’sides’. That won’t stop certain things happening. We shouldn’t be divided by our political beliefs. That doesn’t bring us together. The petrol situation has been utterly ridiculous this last week. They shouldn’t have to bring in the military if people had been sensible.
Please quit with the me me me attitude. That doesn’t help anyone. Yes, things are probably going to be quite hard with the rise in prices for bills etc. That attitude isn’t helping though. We just have to deal with things. Life sucks, it was never supposed to be a pleasant experience. I’ve met enough idiots to last a lifetime (only been alive nearly 34 years), I just want peace and the news has destroyed that inner peace for me tonight.
Then there is the circumstances that led to Sarah Everard’s death is just as awful. There is just no trusting anyone. This could have been any woman walking the streets that evening. The officer targeted whatever woman he came across. I don’t feel safe when I’m on my own in towns of cities, sometimes not even in the village that I live in during the late evening and night hours when I’m on my own. I walked out the gym on a Saturday night (in the town nearby where I live) holding my keys in my hand ready to use as a weapon if the random people walking around either drunk or just looking on the dodgy side. I simply do not feel safe as a lone female during none daylight hours anymore. There are random guys who have had a few constantly trying to come onto you on nights out or events. It just isn’t pleasant.
I really didn’t feel like doing the walk today. I’m going to stop looking in my full length mirror because that also makes me feel fat! Scales, mirrors and everything else reflective is banned from coming near me until I look like I have lost at least another stone! I would not mind if i just looked a little overweight but I look pregnant. I always had a little podge even at my smallest but it was always small enough to contain in some close fitting trousers. The weight I had on me never bothered me, despite that certain industries said that size 8 to 10 was too large. As I used to say, my bones are a size 6. I was only that size very briefly. Basically, the diet is drink water and eat nothing containing sugar. I’d had a baby by this point so I wasn’t expecting to get that small. I wasn’t eating much due to fighting my sons adoption at the time.
I don’t know why I bothered with it all now, as people said, I was just jumping through hoops, I literally was on it 24/7 barely sleeping for at least 2 years. I can’t rest until I know there is no hope. That is why I hate it when people tell me that I didn’t try hard enough. I got a judge from coventry that I knew wasn’t a yes man for them, not many has done that. I probably stopped the local authority in their tracks with cases that came after mine but the stages had gone too far by the time that I managed to swing that one. It was too late to get my son returned him as they continued with his placement despite me sending in a notice telling them to cease their plan as there was a court date. That was illegal but they got away with the guise of ’best interest for the child’ thing that they basically justify all their actions by. I do not care if I’m not a legally qualified person, a court date is a legal requirement. They ignored me walking all over me the whole way through. In a basic term, my son was legally stolen from me and given to someone else. The legal tricks that their side uses wasn’t even above board, it was sneaky and deceitful.
I have has several messages asking me if I have a new fb account. I do. The other one is far too full, the recovery options all have previous contact details. I have to keep old one open until the end of this month because my fundraising page is on my old account and people have already added sponsorship to it.
I had a very disturbed sleep last night. I don’t remember sleeping until gone 5 am. I then realised that my 10,000 steps a day starts today because its 1st October. I was awake by half 9 so I didn’t sleep long. I won’t go the gym today because I’m too tired and need to do the challenge steps. I also have my open university course starting from tomorrow, which means I have to fit everything in. I probably will only get to go the gym once a month this month. I feel like I have barely slept at the moment.
The rain was extremely heavy last night, which also kept me awake. I woke up with both my cats asleep next to me. They’ve now got up and gone outside. They weren’t impressed with the rain last night. The cats normally want to go out in most weather but even they were totally against it last night. I will have to dodge the rain today if I’m going out for a walk. I don’t want to let the charity down by not doing what I said I was going to do. I didn’t have the best nights sleep but that’s something I am used to, that has been my entire life.