Day: September 28, 2021

I was okay until it came to needing to change medication due to worsening insomnia. The GP has put me on mirtazapine. I knew within the first few days it wasn’t suiting me. I rang up and got told to leave it another week. I’ve left it for two weeks now. I cannot stand how it makes me feel any longer! I constantly feel agitated despite taking one every few nights (gradually reducing them so its easier to swap medications to something that suits me better), feeling more crap today because on the nights I don’t take them I barely sleep.

I can’t get to see a doctor face to face, the best I have been offered is a phone appointment due to a cancellation tomorrow morning. I normally have to wait 2 weeks for a phone appointment. The mental health team refused any referrals in the past telling me that due to the diagnosis of autism they didn’t think that their involvement was appropriate. That was way before the pandemic, so certainly they won’t be taking anything but new patients now that have presented with issues due to the pandemic effects. I don’t know why they don’t just prescribe zopiclone nowadays, they work perfectly for sleep. There’s no side effects and I never was uncontrollably hungry on them or agitated. I need a proper review rather than being just left. People have died due to the GP’s not letting patients have face to face appointments. There’s lots of mentally ill patients ended up in A & E because their medication or related issues aren’t being monitored. Then they still get fobbed off or sectioned depending on how they present. Most get fobbed off under that new scheme the NHS has just started in many of it’s trusts.I’m not sure what it is called but saw it circulated around the mental health community a few months ago. It basically denies long term users care using some kind of structure, basically using excuses to deny a patient care and in some cases pass them over to police etc.

I wasn’t sure about the flat. I am definitely not interested now. They had decorated and re-carpeted it but I still wasn’t impressed. I’m sure one of the others that visited will be interested. I just saw the damage from that type of heating that made me not want to take it on. I’ve been burnt by those things previously and lived with it for over 2 years before I moved due to circumstances. I had stopped using the storage heating by that point and it was causing mould, which wasn’t the best idea when I got pregnant. I still don’t particularly want to live in this area but the benefit situation gives me no choice. I will be migrated onto universal credit which causes issues for all claimants.

I’m probably going to end up eventually being migrated onto it anyway but that is when I can move area etc as it will be smoother. That is also the ongoing argument between myself and a relative. I’m not happy here. I will never be happy here and neither is my relative isn’t either, yet they won’t move. I don’t want to live here but I’m stuck. They have the money to move but don’t move. I’d have to save for at least 5 years to be able to move away from the area that I grew up in. I now don’t have that time now that my current landlord wants to sell. I failed half way through saving money due to addiction kicking off and I over spent a lot. That’s what happens when my disability issues aren’t supported properly. That will never happen living in this area because the services won’t give me what I should be entitled to and have failed me several times.

I’m very tired because I barely slept last night. Then I come on to find that my visitor numbers are still a bit on the low side. Then I find an offensive comment on one of my blog entry links. I don’t want to be ’ a karen’ here but this needs to be said. The passive comment that someone made wasn’t correct and it showed that they haven’t read the content properly. This is not school, no one can bully me in any way now. I will not allow it. Maybe others should quit judging me by glancing at the individual entries and read the page about me. That will point out why I’m not officially published in book form. There are legalities that traditional publishers won’t touch.

I will NOT allow others to look down on me. I may not be educated enough to write in proper grammar but that is due to learning disabilities and being thrown out of school in relation to my autism. I’m not just another talentless blogger chatting about pointless crap! I am fed up of passive comments putting my efforts down. I don’t sleep much as it is, without this laying in my head making me feel like crap. Please stop it.

I swear that running a blog is becoming harder. I used to have no problem getting views but in more recent years it has become increasingly difficult to get views. The only time that I can ever get them now is when I pay for marketing services. I can no longer pay for them because I need all the money to move. I never thought the situation was that bad until I logged on to find only 4 people had viewed the blog since midnight. It has never been that bad previously. It is the rise of the TikTok users who became influencers during lockdown that did it. People are preferring to watch visuals now. The written word is going out the window completely. It’s not just books going out of fashion, no one wants to read stuff online either. I can’t do cameras, I’m not a vlogger type. I try to include visuals as a side thing, but it never seems to grow my visitor numbers.