Day: September 8, 2021

The plan to come off my medication for good is definitely going to work. I’m narrow minded in the determination to ‘make it work’. This is for the following reasons. I see completing this task as a way to basically metaphorically ‘stick my fingers up’ to those that either failed me, made fun of me or treated me negatively for whatever reason. I point blankly REFUSE to be medicated because others don’t like aspects of my Autism. I’m no longer to prepare to have chemicals in my body due to the way other people’s action towards me caused me depression, anxiety and other mental health issues. It’s not about ‘winning’. It’s more about rising above the bullies, narrow minded idiots and those that wrote me off throughout my life. That, in turn, will be my revenge as I will no longer be stuck in the painful mindset that was inflicted upon me in the past. I will not put up with things I do not deserve any longer. I will not allow any of those in my past to have their own way. I will NOT be their label. I refuse! I’m an adult now… there’s not much others can do about it. I have taken your power over my self confidence… deal with it! I will be medication free, if only to spite those that wrote me off due to my autistic traits throughout my life.

I had random brain stuff happen this morning. I had a noisy brain full of mismatched thoughts. That used to normal for my brain as far as I can remember. It’s part of being what people call psychic, which I never liked. That is why I never minded being on medication. I am like a radio receiver. I told my brain to shut up and it went quiet. The worse part is when I’m half asleep. I have to wake up properly before I can control it.

I made up for my reluctance about going to my gym session today. Once I finally got to the gym after hours of not wanting to go… I stepped up my workout. I’m probably going to feel it quite badly tomorrow. I knew that I had to make up for over eating during the previous week. I have now rebalanced everything and feel so much better about myself.

I have lots to do tomorrow. I need to ring student finance to sort out the loan. I need to do the housework which I left to make myself go to the gym. I have my blood test to check my iron levels. That is why I am hoping that my muscles aren’t too sore otherwise all the plans I have will be harder to do. It felt quite severe after the first two sessions. I had to pick my leg up on one side to put on clothes after my first session. I felt heavy after my second gym session. I’m hoping after the third it starts to fade a bit because my muscles have developed a little bit. I am a lot stronger physically than I used to be. I have done nearly a week without alcohol which will be beneficial to my waist line. I have to go now because I won’t be up earlier tomorrow.