Day: September 3, 2021

I am definitely wanting to get away from this area now. I simply cannot live here now that I know for sure that the people who got me labelled will never pay for what they did…anyone in my shoes would feel exactly the same way! I can’t be in the same locality as certain people because it will mentally destroy me. If it was that easy to move being on benefits, I would have gone by now. I’m terrified of switching from employment and support allowance to universal credit because it will involve the same amount of hassle as I had with going through the personal issues independent tribunal. I have that hassle coming up again next year because the date runs out. Employment and support allowance didn’t indefinite. They were renewed at the same time so that probably will be a reassessment at the same time. I didn’t go back to reapply for the disabled parking badge because it’s hassle and I don’t think it’s fair on those with physical disabilities who can’t walk far when the limited disability spaces are taken by those who have anxiety, autism etc. I can walk no problems.

However, I need the other things. I spend a large percentage of my life doing paperwork that I don’t really understand but I know it has to be done to basically live as the nature of my autism will make it extremely difficult to sustain employment. I don’t really have much of a chance getting a job with no official experience. I know all this is coming up and the move where I don’t want to really stay in this area because the past makes me unhappy and I will never feel free or be confident as a person. I have no choice because of family and the benefit system is trapping me here. I don’t have the right things in place to make a benefit switch and then move. I can barely afford my current rent putting chunks of money aside for the deposit and upfront rent that will be required whether I rent through the council (providing that works out… yet more paperwork to sort out for appeal) or private places that actually take people on benefits.

I rang the doctors this afternoon because I’m absolutely done with this medication. It keeps make so hungry I ended up consuming a loaf of bread in 24 hours along with other meals. I cannot and will not be allowing anything to make me fat again! If the chemical compound within a medication is made up of certain chemicals it makes people fat even if they ignore their hunger signals. I have a choice and I want a proper assessment when it comes for medication. I had a phone conversation with another doctor who didn’t put me on the medication. Apparently, these are common side effects when people first start this medication. I was told to wait one more week and take the half I am taking alternative nights. That doesn’t change the fact that all the bread I ate has now kicked off my stomach. It’s bloated and a little sore because it got over full and bread expands so it makes that issue worse. It’s not irreversible if I don’t over eat today. I’m lacking patience and feeling agitated as part of those side effects so that isn’t pleasant either.

I’m going to take a break today because I’m burnt out. I just can’t even stay awake at the moment. That was fine last night because I had no trouble getting to sleep. It was like someone had knocked me out. I only woke up earlier this morning because someone rang my door wanting to get in to deliver a parcel for upstairs. I had my breakfast but not up yet. I was in the middle of a dream when I was woken up. I can’t remember it but I know that it was entertaining. It wasn’t one of the usual nightmare types which are confusing and cryptic. I’m comfy chilling with the cat today. I don’t know where mister has gone. He’s outside somewhere. Probably busy with a cat he went out to see the other night. The cat looked just like him as it had similar fur patterns and colour. I couldn’t tell which one was mister in the dark until he turned around to react to me saying his name. Mimi is on my pillow next to me. I’m going to go before I fall asleep again .