It’s been a busy day. Many hassles driving me crazy!

I finally managed to get online today. It’s been a nightmare since the time I got up. I have spent most of the day trying to track down my parcel that yodel told me had been delivered but… it hadn’t! I eventually found out it was still out for delivery and I was on their list of deliveries for today. I then couldn’t be somewhere else until too late for the plans I had on originally today. The council have been a waste of time which I assumed that they would be. I’m on the housing list but low priority because I have ‘no medical or welfare needs’ and my tenancy is ‘secure’. Fair dos, the tenancy is technically secure until April. However, I handed them proof of my medical diagnoses from my medical records. And, what has happened to councils obligations under the autism 2009 act? I have 14 days to appeal. The date of the letter was 31st august which means I only have 12 days left. I don’t know what I’m going to do yet. I’m fed up of constant hassle. The only reason I got my benefits back after the changes a few years ago was to take it to tribunal level. You have to do the internal appeals but they don’t work.

Along the lines of legal stuff. I have looked through the Tort textbook I have been sent for my course materials. It looks like I can’t get justice. You have to take legal action within 6 years. It’s not fair but there isn’t a legal route available. I don’t know how I’m going to ‘move on’. I’m still angry about being labelled and my life being ruined but they’ll all never pay for what they did. I’m now scared of people which means I will never be able to rebuild my life, be in a relationship, have children. I deny that I want that because it’s painful. I don’t hurt when others are having children and being ‘happy’. It honestly stabs me like a knife. I know that how I was labelled basically got my only child adopted. The fact that the people who labelled me will never pay is the worse part at this point. I beat myself up emotionally every day for letting it all happen. In all those cases I was at least a decade younger and extremely naive. I know that I can’t help the fact that I was that way but I still hate my former self now. I need justice but I’m never going to get it until I’ve managed to establish a life. The one I have now isn’t a life. It’s an existence after everything that happened. I’m not naive anymore. I don’t believe that kindness exists because it doesn’t happen to me. I must be a monster to never receive forms of kindness by others. I must deserve this in some kind of karma payback. I must have an evil soul or something. Maybe I should just give up ever hoping for a better life. I always used to hope that my future would be different but everything I tried to do to make a new life got ruined by the labels. I don’t believe in miracles either because I have asked for them (all that Wiccan new moon stuff) and never got it.

Author: Diary of a Painfully Shy Introvert

A blog written by a female diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome but suspected PDA in more recent years. Musings of a Trainee Battleaxe was created to not only create awareness of the PDA part of the spectrum; but also to educate the public hopefully creating understanding in order to stop future generations being let down and labelled negatively. Disclaimer: There may be parts of this blog which viewers may find upsetting as it contains accounts of real life events which have been quite traumatic. However, it is all to help create a sense of understanding and combat the fear surrounding all aspects of mental illness and Pathological Avoidance Syndrome (a very little understood part of the autistic spectrum).

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