I hate myself now. /spooky stuff happened again.

Medication is suppose to help someone feel better. I just feel worse when it constantly makes me hungry. Then, even if I go the gym, I end up getting fat. I don’t want my body in a constant stressed state because that attracts weight gain. I’ve lowered the dose tonight to see if I can stop my constant hunger side effects. I naturally have never eaten as much as the average person which is why I used to be slimmer on some medication which didn’t have the over eating side effects. I ate a proper dinner, 8 slices of bread and 4 packet of crisps this evening. I can’t continue doing that so I had to put the dose down tonight. The medication tablets can be broken in half which is 7.5mg. I am just too hungry on 15mg. I’m feeling complete hate toward myself for undoing my work at the gym. I’m sure every bit of carbs I just ate will go into building muscles which burns fat so all hope isn’t lost long term. I just feel like such a failure. If I count the sandwich I had at lunch time I’ve actually consumed 12 slices of bread in total today. I don’t even feel sick which logically I should after eating that much. I hold my hands up to still drinking a reduced amount of alcohol but that’s a huge reduction to the last couple of weeks. It’s not easy to just cut it out completely when you’re used to drinking. I have been buying the small packs so that I don’t overdo consuming alcohol. It’s nice to relax but drinking isn’t really me. I gain too much weight even touching alcohol.

You know how I said the light kept going out like the bulb had gone but it started working again. It’s worked as normal since. The spooky stuff doesn’t end there. I’ve had my phone handset keep going on and off tonight. It makes a beep noise when you put the handset down. It kept doing that noise like someone was repeatedly lifting it on and off the contacts. That wasn’t long ago. I was quite scared. I’m sure that someone who has passed over would do that to say hello or something. I’d prefer them not to as I get frightened. It happened a few years ago. It hasn’t happened since but I don’t want that happening. If anyone on the other side wants to communicate I’d prefer they do it via dreams. That doesn’t frighten me.

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