I have a problem but I don’t want to quit!

I have got into the drinking huge amounts of alcohol every evening pattern again. I should stop but I don’t want to quit. It’s doing me no good and I end up feeling awful but I just like the way it makes me forget how unsatisfactory my life is to me. I don’t feel bothered by anything when I drink alcohol. I don’t even like the taste of it. I drink it to forget that my son isn’t growing up with me. I don’t have to be satisfied with my life if I’m drunk or at least half drunk. I don’t have anything to stay sober for…. Single means I have no one who cares whether I stay sober or not. My son doesn’t even remember I exist. I don’t see a point in kicking alcohol completely. There’s no one to quit alcohol for. I just want to block everything out. The harsh reality of my life etc. I know others have it worse but I can’t stand the injustice that I’ve had to endure. I shouldn’t have lost my son to adoption but I did because of our corrupt system that is stacked against people with disabilities like myself. I’m living a life that I shouldn’t be because of the awful system. I cannot stand injustice. It infuriates me. I don’t know how others can stand there watching these injustices and not try to do something.