Day: August 27, 2021

I’m fed up of life. I went in the bath when I got home. It’s great having thick hair until it doesn’t want to go up in a bun when you’re getting ready to get in the bath. I’m probably going to have a load of split ends now I’ve got annoyed and forced it into a messy bun. I put my hair in a pony tail to go out for a walk. It still kept catching on my handbag. More split ends! I then keep aching because my muscles are still recovering from the first gym session I’d had in two years. I’m hoping they feel better after a bath but it’s going to hurt getting out of the bath. I get followed in by the wandering neighbourhood cat when I’m trying to get a big bag of cat litter in with me. I didn’t walk with that. I got it out of the car when I got home because I need some in here. I have a load of washing to get out of the washing machine after my bath. I have to then vacuum a litter bits up from the hallway before I even put the clean tray down. I haven’t put my bed together yet because I left it to air out while I was on a walk. They all won’t take long but I’m in the mindset where all small things are the most irritating to me. I randomly get like this and I have no idea why. Welcome to my bpd side which has made many fall out with me.

I need to get hold of the council next week because their admin is absolutely awful! I put in requested paperwork about 3 weeks ago. I get a notification at half 5 on a bank holiday weekend saying we need more bank statements from savings account between certain dates. They said 2 months bank statements at first but now they also want one for June. That is fine but they’ve had 3 weeks to tell me that need more information and leaving it until half 5 on a bank holiday weekend is the worse part. I can’t afford to stall any longer. I need my application for housing completed months before my lease runs out so that everyone involved can just get on with what needs doing. I would rather be gone sooner than later. The place will need sorting before they sell it to make it look presentable anyway. I’ve done my best but with cats I can only do so much, especially when one of them keeps being sick and peed a lot when he had his infection. I can only do a certain amount being one person. I need about 3 of me sometimes.

I am going to be laying it on to the council next week. I have to be blunt and direct because they will stall for another few months asking for different paperwork if I don’t. If their short of staff I will do their paperwork for them, I’d be more efficient. I can’t judge my own application but I could do the others because given what is going on they are surely behind with all types of applications. Anyway, if one of the people who is someone I clashed with as a teenager works there, I’m going to have to tell them straight. I did say that if I ever came face to face with the ex police officer who used me to reach her targets when I was a teenager (the reason I got labelled in the first place and sent away), I would totally go up against them regardless of the situation. If they are working for a place I need to sort out whether it’s via personal circumstances or autism advocacy… I would effectively get my own back big time! I remember the bullying of her and her colleagues in police cells several times when she arrested me for my autism. I do not forget and I should NOT forgive that. It’s unprofessional to bully and take the piss out of youngsters you arrest during your jobs. Plenty of police officers past and present get away with it. I made myself the wall that can make sure complaints are upheld against individuals that behave in that conduct. I am so committed to that aspect of my advocacy because of the bullying and humiliation I was put through because of her! I don’t care if she’s a respected civilian for the authorities nowadays that doesn’t cancel out how she conducted herself as the local police officer back in the day. It cannot and will never be forgotten even if I have moved on personally.

I could barely move when I woke up in the middle of the night. I took some anti inflammatory painkillers which knocked me out until this afternoon. I had to clean cat sick up when I did finally get up today. This time he had done it down the window sill. I’m less stiff than I was when I got up but getting dressed was a challenge today. I had to hold onto the wall to but my socks, trousers and knickers on. That is exactly why I’m giving myself a few more days to recover. You know how my dreams are odd sometimes. Well, I had a weird one today where I had a full conversation with someone I’ve only met once in person. I always visit the same locations when I’m dreaming. This one had an Asian theme to it. I don’t remember much of the dream. I remember that the person wasn’t happy with me … nothing new there. Used to other people disliking me for something. The only sentence I remember from the dream conversation was the sentence ‘my son became disabled’. I suppose that they’re blaming me if that happened in real life. If you’re sons have become disabled as far as falling for me … well, what can I say … extremely sorry haha! On a serious note, I wouldn’t allow that … not going there with guys in their 20s. I just feel a bit too old for guys that age. People being attracted to me helps keep blog views up so I can’t completely discourage it.