4 am deepness: this is what worries me.

It’s the middle of the night. I want to be deeply open about how I feel in general. There are things keeping me awake but others may not agree that they’re stupid things to be stressed over. I’m fully aware that I have to promote the blog to make it a success. There’s a side of me that also wants privacy. That is due to things that have happened in my past. I know that certain people don’t like me and will spread awful things around about me. I don’t want to be laughed at and treated as a joke either. I had someone laugh near me tonight after looking at me. Then they walked passed me on the way back to their car and said something as they passed me… however, I didn’t hear what she said because it wasn’t loud enough. I don’t know her. Although, people make judgments and gossip about others who are out there for whatever reason. I’m afraid that others will be nasty to me or laugh at me when I go out. I don’t want to be looked at as a freak. That affects me. I know that I want to be out there pushing for change… I just don’t like the judgements that were made about me in the past. I have to live with ignorant people referring to me as a stalker etc. I’m not any of those things. I made my mistakes due to my autism mixed with being young and naive. There’s going to be people that will always think of me as a weird freak. That hurts me. I’m not proud of my past. I can’t change anything so please don’t think of me in those ways. Certainly don’t snigger at me when I’m out and make comments when going passed me.