This shouldn’t be the case. I’m not brave. Speaking out is necessary to change attitudes and perceptions.

I regularly get told that I’m extremely brave to talk about my experiences and mental health on my blog. I understand where people are coming from when they say that but that shouldn’t be the case. Bravery, courage and words along them lines suggest that mental health is still a taboo subject even though it’s not as hushed as it used to be. It should be becoming a matter of routine for people in society to talk about these topics now. We lost so many to suicide and addiction over the years because people weren’t open about this stuff. Forced adoptions have happened to many parents due to mental health issues being misunderstood. If we don’t talk about stuff that is seen as taboo topics, then nothing is ever going to change. Countless more lives will be lost in either suicide / addiction or preventable violence and forced adoptions will continue to happen to those with mental illnesses and other non physical disability which affect them mentally. We are saying that we are prepared to let that happen by keeping quiet. That’s giving our consent to these awful actions we see in our society on a regular basis.

Working and walking so not a long entry today.

The joys of technology that means I can walk and work is sometimes a good thing when you need to catch up after waking up late. I didn’t mean to get up late again. I couldn’t sleep last night so ended up watching a documentary about Amy Winehouse on Bbc iplayer. That kind of leads me into today’s topic….loosely but it’s still along the same lines. I also think that this is an appropriate time to put this next comment on here after the shooting in Plymouth the other day. I would never defend another autistics actions because what he did was absolutely awful. There is no excuse tor the behaviour that he ended up displaying. I can only apologise and send my deepest sympathies to the families that lost someone in that tragedy. I can explain in some ways how things got to that point but they don’t want to upset the victims families by pointing the finger at our system. It’s far too soon. I’ve explained via Twitter conversations to those discussing what happened. I don’t condone what he did and movements like incel constantly do draw in youngsters who aren’t lucky in the relationship department to pray on their inner resentment. That is just the world we now live in. I’m not saying it’s right but we can’t eradicate all the questionable ideologies off the internet. We also don’t want to go there as a society because we would end up going on our own sprees to get rid of certain groups we see as not sending the right messages. We then end up just as bad as those that carry out those mass shootings. I know how difficult it is to be 20 something in a world where you feel left out. There’s natural resentment always bubbling under the surface. I did things that wasn’t nice to others fuelled by jealousy. Most of us grow out of it… some people don’t but the majority do. The bulimia bit in the documentary I watched last night is also a thing at that age. I barely ate when I was a size 8 in most of my 20s after all the weight loss when I ballooned at 21. I actually went down to a size 6 after I had my son because I just didn’t eat while fighting to keep him from being adopted. I never made myself sick but stress makes me sick so you’re still getting rid of what you have eaten. I look at my old clothes I have chucked out (let’s face it now I actually eat properly I’m never going to fit them again) and I see the width of the waists and hips in trousers etc and they seem tiny to me. I used to feel chubby at that size. What the hell? How? How has my perception of my weight changes so much? In a matter of just 10 ish years?

There’s something odd happening in this place.

I know that I’m going to sound crazy but what I’m about to tell you all is 100% true and I can’t quite believe it either. Bulbs routinely stop working after their lifespan has come to an end. This is what happened last night. However, they don’t start randomly working again. Once they’re blown they can’t physically unblow because the bit in the middle snaps. I bought a new bulb planning to put it in there tomorrow. I just got up to see the cat that was sat on their tower in that room. As a routine I walk in any room after switching on a light switch (automatically so used to doing that), the lightbulb came back on as normal. There’s no physical explanation as bulbs don’t repair themselves. It switched on last night but went out. Then it wouldn’t switch on again so I presumed it had blown. I’m totally stumped. I’m not sure whether the haunted doll or any other random thing along those lines that may have got in here. I expected that owning a supposed haunted porcelain doll may cause the odd random thing to occur. I’m not freaked out but it is strange that the bulb appeared to have blown but repaired itself because physically they can’t do that.