Hidden disabilities: I let the autism hate get inside my head.

I know that this sounds ridiculous but I’ve only just realised there is a genuine hate towards autistic people within society. I’ve always been open and honest about my disability with everyone I’ve met. I didn’t believe that conscious bias was a possibility. I didn’t understand how people can be intentionally unfavourable to someone who is autistic. I blamed myself for how I was treated and labelled. It has destroyed me. I never felt the damage for years. I truly believed that I was an evil person before I started talking to others they had been treated similarly. I don’t even want to go out the door on the days that it is affecting me the worse. I pick the skin on my face because I have internalised that hate. I can’t get rid of the hatred for myself despite knowing it’s not all my fault. People only want us to exist when we’re doing something useful to them. That is what you do with objects not people.

Author: Diary of a Painfully Shy Introvert

A blog written by a female diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome but suspected PDA in more recent years. Musings of a Trainee Battleaxe was created to not only create awareness of the PDA part of the spectrum; but also to educate the public hopefully creating understanding in order to stop future generations being let down and labelled negatively. Disclaimer: There may be parts of this blog which viewers may find upsetting as it contains accounts of real life events which have been quite traumatic. However, it is all to help create a sense of understanding and combat the fear surrounding all aspects of mental illness and Pathological Avoidance Syndrome (a very little understood part of the autistic spectrum).

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