I can’t function today. Things have worn me out.

I do one day of being able to function perfectly. Then, for sometimes days later, I don’t feel like doing anything. I’ve had to make myself go for a walk today. I wasn’t able to finish my artwork for exhibition as well as I wanted to. It looks awful but I hope it appears to someone enough to buy it for charity. I’ve felt awful since I woke up. Mentally I am also fed up which doesn’t help motivation to do anything. The flat that I enquired about a few weeks ago is still on the website but I rang up on Thursday last week and no one got back to me. I was told that there has been a lot of interest in it has probably gone by now. I was told someone would ring me back but not had a phone call from the estate agent. They’ve not taken it off the website so I don’t know. I’m also waiting on my council housing application which was going to take 4 weeks to process. It’s been nearly 3 weeks now. I still don’t know what my best option is… I can put cash aside for private but it’s going to take a least a grand to move if you add up all the costs. There is no deposit cost if I go with the council option. If I’m not high enough priority I can’t do that option. I won’t know my priority until my application has been processed. Waiting is more tiring than instantly having all the information thrown at you to make a decision. Apparently that is part of autism. Non autistic minds don’t process things constantly visualising until whatever is done. Meanwhile, while that is happening, our brain is worn out by the time a decision has been made. That has knock on effects.

Longer day out than planned.

I didn’t manage to clean my car properly before it rained. I only got it vacuumed and got off the bird poop. I had a nap at a relatives because I didn’t sleep last night. I ended up having food there so didn’t get back until nearly midnight. I was met by my cats who asked me for food. One of them flicked their paw at me (it means they’re annoyed). I have decided firmly that I never want anymore children. I thought back to my first experiences and it totally put me off. I like my free time and like having space. I can’t have that if I have a baby. I am staying single for the exact same reason. I’m too used to this lifestyle now to consider changing my status in regards to relationships and having another child. I don’t feel like I should have ever gone there. Some of us just aren’t naturally wired to be a mum regardless of what life conditions women to be.