I changed my mind. I don’t want to do it.

I thought about it. I’m not sure I want to go through with having another child. I’m not doing it for the right reason. I want to cancel out what happened with my son by doing it all over again so I didn’t fail. That is how I felt that I could move on. If I don’t move on like this then I know that I will be stuck with my current life (which is too much of the same shit different day existence). I hate it. The only way I can truly move on is to cancel out my last experience by having another child and not losing them to adoption. I’m just not comfortable having another child at this point with any of the people I know. I’m not being picky… I’m just not fully comfortable with this situation I may be walking into. It doesn’t feel right to me.