Attempting to move on.

I’ve got to the point where I’m no longer controlled by what happened with my first child. Well, parts of me always will be a bit angry and upset because there are some things you just don’t get over completely in life. I’d you did completely get over certain things there would be something wrong with you. He can come back to get me if he wants in the future when he gets old enough to tell the system to go screw itself. I’m ready to start trying for baby number 2. I’m talking casually at this point. I know when my window of opportunity regarding dates etc because my app has been tracking it. I refuse to get stressed over it because it worked straight away timing it just right the first time around. I know that I still can because I have had tests which points to everything being in the right conditions. I moved home in the middle of my sons pregnancy so that’s not going to be a problem. I didn’t even plan to get pregnant the first time around. I did it at the right time and hoped for the best. I got pregnant on the very first time I went there. We all know that at this age we won’t get any baby daddies that are perfect. I just went for one that loves kids and wants some of their own (I’m only down for one) … not in a creepy way before people start saying I’m vulnerable and wouldn’t know the difference. I tried to wait for someone who was perfect but my standards were too high. The only way you can possibly settle in this life is not to try to find the perfect person because they don’t exist and you’ll be searching until it’s too late to have kids etc. I’ve made sure that this time the deal is that they stick around and share the child rearing responsibility with me. It may not happen at this point as I’m a lot older now. It’s harder to get pregnant after hitting 30s despite the conditions apparently being right. I can’t say that I don’t have my anxieties but this time I’m clued up with what happened with my first child. I will not be signing anything. Then I will be shielding my private life. I’m not even going to show any of my future kids faces on social media. You’ll get the odd photo but I have to protect my family from the troublemakers.

Things that are supposed to be a certain way but definitely isn’t.

I keep seeing the thing about if someone appears in your dreams repeatedly they want to see you or miss you. I’m quite doubtful that this is actually true. I’ve seen someone I used to know multiple times in my dreams over the past year. If they missed me then you’d assume they would make some form of contact. They haven’t decided to reconnect so I see this as a load of absolute rubbish. Before people start guessing about who I may be talking about. It’s not the person who is banned from my head because of the darkness that surrounds them. How can someone I barely got to know miss me? Most people don’t miss others they barely got to know. They’re not like me who doesn’t have to know someone long enough to miss them. If they did remotely miss me then they’re obviously not giving me a thought nowadays because they’ve disappeared from my dreams. I would like to believe in the spiritual things but some bits sound wrong to me. I wish that the particular person in question missed me. I would love to see them or just communicate by social media. I just don’t believe that this is what they would want. I don’t have anything to offer them as I’ve said previously.