I absolutely can’t stand being awake today.

I am reluctantly awake today. I’m not dressed yet but got up to fed cats, take medication and tidy a few bits to make my kitchen look less like things were just chucked everywhere. I haven’t got dressed yet but that’s the next thing I’m trying to make myself do. I’m beyond exhausted. I couldn’t sleep again last night. The rain is just depressing so that’s adding to the reluctance to get out of bed. I woke up hot which wasn’t nice. I was cold before I fell asleep so put the electric blanket on but by the time I woke up I was sweating. I had a drink of water next to my bed so luckily I could have a drink when I woke up. I had the most random dreams that I can’t really remember but woke up feeling like they weren’t pleasant. Nightmares are common when you get too hot while asleep. I was touring a graveyard in part of it so it must have been dark. The people in it wasn’t dead though. One was a celebrities photo who I know isn’t dead in waking life. It was of one of the characters they played so maybe that was killed off. That’s the only detail I remember.

Weirdly, while I was speaking about dark stuff, a storm has just come out of no where with heavy rain and loud thunder. The cats have just both come into my room because they don’t like the thunder. I don’t particularly like it but I’m not as bad as when I was younger. The bangs were too loud. I just got used to them as an adult. I will always have sensitive hearing. I just learned to tolerate the loudness of certain things. It’s not masking, it’s adapting… there’s a huge difference. I’m tolerating being awake at the moment when my brain is just annoying me while awake. I just want silence from my thoughts and it won’t give me that today.

One thought on “I absolutely can’t stand being awake today.

  1. I used to be similar with sleeping just to avoid obsessive thinking. It can be a real torment and sleep was the only way I could switch it off for a bit. As for thunder, as a youth I was more afraid of it than the lightning, even though it’s the lightning that is dangerous. But I found thunder deeply unnerving, the loudness of it when it was directly over head—I can remember lying in bed one night and the fear triggered so much sweat, my pyjamas were soaked. I had to put on fresh. I’m glad that in middle age I have shaken off most of these issues. Maybe you will too. x


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