Today hasn’t been any better.

I didn’t want to get up today. I get to my mums and she thinks I’ve gained weight. I shouldn’t have as I haven’t drank alcohol for 4 days now. I’m never good enough even if I try. I can’t sleep… failed. I fall asleep during the day then end up late for dinner … still a failure. How am I supposed to not be depressed? How does that make me want to be up every day? I’m trying my best but I’m up against insomnia and hardly any energy. There’s no point going to the doctors because they don’t help. One, they blame everything on your mental health and autism. And, two, even getting the anaemia diagnosis and heavy monthlies dealt with was a few years battle with my former gp. I changed gp because of the attitudes of doctors in general when it comes to mental health. They’ll give you limited tests and not forward you to a specialist because they say physical issues are always caused by mental health. There is a reason why the average life expectancy for those with mental illnesses, learning disabilities and autistics etc is only approximately 35. I’m at the point where I literally end up in tears because I’m that exhausted. I have never got to that point previously. People telling me that the way I am is annoying isn’t helping. Losing weight is virtually impossible when you’re too tired to do anything. I’d stay in my bed 24 / 7 if I was able to do so because it gets painful fighting against exhaustion.