I’m a mess.

I feel such a mess. I drank alcohol again despite telling myself I wouldn’t buy it. I feel so down. It’s not so hot tonight but not asleep yet because I slept during the day. I’m so fed up of allergies…. I have a bunged up nose and sore eyes. I also accidentally hit the back of my injured ankle with the vacuum cleaner yesterday so now it’s started to hurt a bit again. I did say I was clumsy. I hit it right on the bone where it was previously injured. I probably will need to go the doctors at some point because it is swelling up a bit. I’m trying to let it heal naturally. It will do that if I stop accidentally injuring myself. I think that when I hit it with the vacuum cleaner it’s taken it back a few weeks again. I am more clumsy when I’m feeling down. Depression is just dragging me down to the point where I’m tired and get no enjoyment from life. I just feel flat and pointless as an individual.

I don’t really bring anything useful to the table as far as my purpose. I would love to get to know someone I used to know but even if they did want to talk to me I wouldn’t see that I had anything to offer them. I’m definitely not going to impress anyone who is older than me. Maybe men but not women which is what I want to attract because I swing that direction. Men hassle me every single day so it’s not hard to attract them. I would call their attention harassment because sometimes they don’t stop messaging me sexual things and start sending dick photos etc. That normally results in them getting blocked. I don’t see why, as a woman, we have to put up with that behaviour on a sometimes daily basis. I may be single but that doesn’t give men a free pass to hassle me with inappropriate messages and photos in some cases. I’m not interested. I don’t even find them attractive so they may as well just give up. As a vulnerable adult I never seem to attract anyone decent. I get treated like people don’t want me around and made to feel constant rejection. I only seem to get used rather than having anyone who genuinely cares about me in my life.

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