I guess it’s closer to coming home!

England 4 – Ukraine 0…. well that means football is closer to coming home. I proved my point though. I didn’t see any of the goals scored because each time I wasn’t in front of the television. The first one was scored before I even turned on to the game. The other goals were scored when I left the television on but went off to go in the bath and tidy up a bit. I did say that they’d have a better chance of winning if I wasn’t actually watching them. I’m just not naturally a lucky individual and it rubs off on anything I’m watching. Apparently, it’s a thing for some people. Things only go well for whatever when they’re not involved in any way. I seem to be one of those ‘walking jinx’s’. That is how it’s always been for me. I can only assume that my karma from a previous life is coming from something I did that was extremely bad. You don’t get this many years of bad luck unless you did something horrendous in a previous life. Anyway, I prevented my karma from jinxing anything by proxy so England could have a chance of winning.

Everyone seems to be hyped up for the England game.

I went out briefly today. I’m sitting in the car with the air conditioning on for a while because it’s quite hot out there. There’s so many people hyped up for the England game tonight. I’m not going to actually watch it (as I said before it’s probably better luck for them if I don’t watch them play. I have the alcohol in the fridge in the event that they do win for celebration reasons. I’m not drinking a lot though because I’m trying to keep cutting down. On the plus note, a 10 pack of those little bottles used to last me 3 days tops (I know I developed an issue) but I still have 4 left. I can only drink 2 max a night now. I hope that they win but I won’t get my hopes up. We have performed badly for 56 years… is it going to change at this point? It’s been so long. I doubt we will win the whole competition. It depends who wins another game and gets into the final. We have no chance if it’s against a better team.

And I woke up alone… dreams are so cruel.

I fell asleep earlier because I didn’t sleep a lot last night. I also can’t walk today because my ankle needs to rest. I felt the bones in my leg above my ankle complaining last night. That didn’t help me get to sleep. I can use my ankle nearly normally now but sometimes it just gets a bit worn out. The strength hasn’t come back in it properly yet. It’s getting better but not there yet. I have to be careful not to be over enthusiastic with the exercise in case that causes it to go backwards again. It still swells a little but nothing like the way it has been.

Then I had a dream after I fell asleep earlier. That was cruel because once again I saw someone who I’m probably never going to see or even speak to again in waking life. They’ve kept appearing in my dreams on and off for over a year. I hadn’t even thought about them for ages so there was no reason why they should start appearing in dreams. They blocked me on fb when we were at college so I just forgot about them. They told me that they were married in this dream. That made me realise that I just want to be friends at the most. I don’t think I ever liked them in that way. We all get crushes that don’t last long. Most of those people end up being friends instead. I do care but no longer fancy them in that way. I woke up after the dream feeling so lonely. I don’t normally feel lonely but I realised the reality that in waking life it’s mostly just me and the cats. That makes me sad.

You ever get the feeling that something isn’t right?

I will probably get told that I’m just being paranoid and that it’s all in my head… however, I firmly believe that what I’m picking up is accurate. They always say trust your instincts when it comes stuff in life. I keep getting told that my flat being sold isn’t personal. I’m still not convinced though and I know it’s not my insecurities. I’ve turned off all my excess emotions right now. That means I’m simply judging by fact and logic when looking at everything in life. I still have that nagging feeling that it’s personal against who I am. They own several places and I’m the only one being sold. I’d like to believe what I’ve been told but something is in the back of my mind telling me to not believe it. I tried to be understanding about their situation but I’m sure that I’m possibly being strung a line. They have a right to sell but totally denying it’s personal (as I know they aren’t selling anyone else’s place) is not cool. They got this place quite cheap when they brought it. Financially it definitely wouldn’t be losing them any money. I have given them the benefit of the doubt believing what I’ve been told. I don’t think that was the right thing to do. I just no longer believe them and that’s down to a nagging feeling I keep getting. It’s not my autism, bpd side etc. It’s purely what I can logically work out from all the facts I know at this point. I’m firmly against discrimination of any kind. I don’t want to let someone willingly do that to me. I’m not thick. I can pick up more than others give me credit. I’m not as socially thick as others assume. I have been tricked way too many times to not pick it up. I’d rather they just admit that it’s personal rather than tell me something else which isn’t true. I’m not being irrational, I’m totally calm and level headed while working this out.