I’m finding life stuff really irritating at the moment. The small parts of life seem to bug me more. I had a conversation with someone I’ve known since I was a teenager tonight. I then realise that I wanted so much more by this point in my life. He still lives down south (he came from that part of the country initially). I came back to an area which I never wanted to live in ever again. I just don’t fit here. I never did fit in even as a child growing up here. I still feel an outsider but it doesn’t bother me so much now that I’m getting older. I do still care what others think of me but I’m not taking others opinions to heart. I basically have developed a screw you attitude to anyone who wants to be negative toward me. I wish that I’d been more like that as a youngest growing up in this area. I don’t think I’d have got into as much trouble. I wouldn’t have had enough feelings for anyone else to take certain risks. I’m at the age at this point where I don’t want to stay as I am but at the same time don’t feel ready to take a chance at new things. The conversation with them made me realise how stuck I am right now. I’d love to move away. I just need to take a chance without being scared that I’ll fail due to financial issues or I end up in a worse position. If I stay where I am then that is just as bad in a way. I was always someone that knew exactly what they wanted growing up. I don’t seem to be like that any longer. I would rather sleep all the time. That isn’t a good thing. I’m not depressed. I’m just done at the moment. The fact that everything hasn’t reopened properly yet doesn’t help.