Family interactions don’t help BPD either.

I just had a discussion with my own mother who outrightly told me not to express my opinion on things that affects me. Why is this so wrong? People do it every single day who are classes as normal and aren’t told to keep quiet. If I want to actually display the fact that I have some intelligence by making an effort to work out something from the facts placed in front of me then that isn’t wrong. I’m not bugging anyone if I legitimately have a point. It’s not up to me to solve other peoples problems but those that indirectly affected me in a chain situation is not wrong. Other aspects of people’s lives that doesn’t affect me aren’t the area I’m commenting on. They are free to live their lives how they like but my life has been ruined by complete idiots enough so I’m not going to keep quiet. In some situations you’re damned if you do or don’t say something. I care too much about everything unless I’m in one of those moods where I just switch it all off for my own sake. That is the way I make sure things don’t get too much for me.

I used to end up with a massive headache and physically sick before I mastered the art of switching myself off completely emotionally. Sometimes I have to do that so that I can actually get any sleep. That takes years to master especially when you’re made to hate yourself due to the label you’re handed. The years that you spend in denial destroys you so much that when you rebuild yourself you’re not ever going to be the same person before that occurs. You can go through a complete breakdown without even being aware and I think that I may have done that myself. The fact that I came out of it mostly in a grounded mental state without medical intervention is actually quite unusual. I still have my moments but I’m not as affected by the things I’ve been through now.

Then there’s another thing that really bugs me. Men can express their opinions (including within the autism community) and it’s seen as acceptable. However, if it’s a woman saying exactly the same thing or extremely similar we get called out of order. When did this become acceptable? We technically should be listened to more than the men because we contribute to society in many ways than men. If it wasn’t for us then the men wouldn’t exist. How was this ever accepted by previous generations? It completely irritates women of this generations. You don’t talk down to us, discount our opinions or tell us we are being ridiculous because we say certain opinions rather than men. On a secondary note, it also pisses me off when all those of us who are officially classed as unemployed are classed as the underclass by many people. We aren’t all lazy. Some of us can’t work for a valid reason. I may not work officially but I never seem to stop doing things for free in the areas which I trained in.