I just don’t care right now.

I’m not being horrible but I truly do not care about anything at the moment. I’m tired and feeling like a mess. I’m going to have to get up at some point today because I need to tidy up for the appointment I rearranged tomorrow. I can’t leave it in the current state it is at the moment. If I’m not returning messages at the moment it’s nothing personal. I just don’t have the energy. It’s a struggle to mentally do stuff that needs doing on a day to day basis. I pushed myself to walk yesterday because I needed to get out for a bit. I just have nothing to offer the world at the moment. I’m affected by things that are happening but I can’t not face them. I wish that I never had to get up because it feels like I’m fighting myself. I want to stay in bed but my head knows I can’t so I’m literally fighting two parts of myself. The logical part of me always says exactly what I must do, where the depression part is saying no I don’t want to do that. Then if I push against the resistance I start to get other affects like hearing stuff that isn’t there, high anxiety (small movements / noises can make me jump) and sometimes a headache.