I don’t know whether I’ve had an official breakdown but I ended up mentally exhausted. I never used to be this messy when I was younger. I’m sure my brain is losing its functioning more as I age. I’m only nearly 34. It’s going to be completely crumbled by the time I hit middle age. I used to be able to write stories with a vast depth of imagination when I was only a child. I can’t even do that anymore. It’s like trauma has regressed a lot of things I could previously do. Many things have led to me ending up this way. The education system has had a lot of impact on the way I am now. The contracts I had to sign and the plans that set me up to fail back when I was doing my GCSEs was stressful and damaging me without showing at the time. Well, it showed in my behaviour but everyone just assumes you’re being difficult on purpose. They were technically triggering what they didn’t want to happen. Then getting chucked into prison for a month also permanently damaged me. The lack of understanding and proper support has impacted on my mental/physical health over time. I’m mentally tired. I physically worked so hard to jump through the hoops growing up and it was just never enough. I’m expected to be normal when that’s just something I’m not. The contracts they hand to us basically tells us that we aren’t allowed to show our autism because it might offend or harm someone else. What about the internal harm that is doing to us over the course of our lives? I felt the stress from how I was treated but it never properly damaged me until I got older.