I couldn’t settle again last night. I am too stressed. I’m constantly worried about things not being tidy enough for Friday’s arrangements. The whole process has put me on edge. I don’t want to be difficult but it’s stressful to be involved in this process. I am naturally not tidy and quite laid back when it comes to cleaning. It makes me feel overwhelmed easily and then I can’t sleep. I can’t get out of anything because if I want a chance of not having to move I’m going to have to get this to work. It won’t work if the place is a mess. If I can’t sleep I don’t have the energy to clean it and keep it tidy. Then it won’t work out definitely and I will have to move before the owners sell the flat at the end of my contract. I don’t particularly like either of these options. This one I suggested to them is the one that will cause me less upheaval long term. I’m feeling a strong resistance against my routine being affected. That is my autism kicking off when it’s really inconvenient. I can’t explain this to others because they just won’t understand. They’ll think I’m trying to be difficult. I’m not. I know I’m getting badly affected by things when it’s keeping me so on edge that I don’t sleep. That will have a knock on effect and things won’t get done. They will never know how it’s affecting me because they probably don’t read the blog. I just have to pretend I’m ok and hope that things don’t affect me to the point where I’m too tired to even tidy everything before they want to take photos on Friday. Then there’s the viewings which will also require me to keep everything clean and tidy. I’m stressed just thinking about it because it doesn’t come naturally to me. I can’t not sleep for months while this is going on. I just can’t settle but I can’t tell them no because I don’t want the other option which will mean I have the hassle of moving.