I can’t sleep again. I have forgotten what proper sleep is… I just can’t switch off. I’m stressed just being awake. I know that certain things are happening because of who I am. Others may keep it hidden but I know that if I didn’t live here the owners would not be selling. I can’t get them to admit that. It’s always my fault in any given situations. The awfulness of knowing that I’m usually the one that gets rejected in various ways is that my own mind torments me. It says over and over again that I’m nothing but an inconvenience and no one likes me etc. The torment of being gaslighted by your own mind is really difficult to understand. You can’t control what it’s saying despite being in control of the functioning of your mind. There’s no point telling your thoughts to shut up because you can’t silence them. It’s really laying into me during this situation. I’m affected more when I’m run down which I am at the moment. I know that I’m the one that people always want to get rid of, I don’t fit in to anyone else’s norms and that is an issue for them.