I have isolated myself after what happened with my son. I know people and family who have children. I just didn’t want to be around them because it hurt me too much. Some of them tried to encourage me to pop in but I just resisted. It felt like life was rubbing salt in my wounds. Eventually they stop asking because they know the answer is going to be no. The fact that my autism aways makes me distracted doesn’t help focus on friendships let alone relationships. I shouldn’t have avoided others children because it’s like I basically stepped out of aspects of life.I also stopped doing other stuff as it was less hassle just not to have plans. The anxiety of getting ready just is something I can’t be bothered with… I’ve made effort in the past and got no where so what’s the point? If you don’t have hopes and dreams then it won’t hurt if those things don’t work out. I don’t set myself up for disappointment etc. The fact that I’m a bit psychic makes it worse. I know what’s coming and I can’t stop it.I firmly believe that if certain things hadn’t happened then life would be better now. The everything happens for a reason thing just seems like the reason was to bring misery. I held on tightly to try to stop my sons adoption. I went fully at the situation, every option used / explored and still it went ahead. I was fighting f against years of stigma and misinformation built up by society but that still makes out that even if you work hard nothing pays off. At the end of the day… you’ll not get anywhere because of the preconceived ideas routes within the fabric of our system. I didn’t even get letterbox contact because the system punished me for fighting back. I’m a shy quiet person (contrary to belief when I have an issue) and I see it as a form of hell having to do all the above. It went against my nature and ripped me apart but there was no way I wasn’t going to fight until the very last second.