Sleep isn’t happening tonight.

I need a painkiller to ease the pain in my ankle as the last dose is not working any longer. I can’t find the box with them in. I was putting things away while still in a lot of pain earlier. The last thing I remember is going in the kitchen with them. I have literally looked everywhere but can’t find them. I can’t settle down to even attempt sleep with the pain not numbed. It’s going to be a long night. I just want to sleep. The pain isn’t letting me and without finding my painkillers I can’t numb it a bit. I just need a break and a sleep! That’s why I’ve just been walking away from anything that complicates life. I can’t be in pain and dealing with complex stuff which are actually others responsibility. I haven’t felt great recently and the pain in my ankle makes me impatient. I will just be more brutally honest than normal at the moment. I have zero patience when I’m in pain. I can’t think straight when it’s at its worse.

As I said the other day, I don’t feel able to be involved in certain things any longer. The toll it takes on my emotions tears me apart. I’m a strong person because I’ve had to be. I have ran out of that strength recently. There are times when I just need to bow out for my own sanity. I care about things a lot. That is why I get affected by things so much. I do take a lot to heart. I find it hard not to get emotionally invested/involved. If I’m involved in something similar to what I’ve been through I find it difficult. I know how much it hurts but I can’t spare another from the same pain. I can’t promise another it isn’t going to hurt. That is the worse feeling in the world. I may not have my son with me now. I can assure you that I still have the mother part of my personality that only comes when you have a baby due to hormonal changes. I feel things so much deeper since I had my son. That has worn me out emotionally. I just need time away from the various circles that make me feel drained.