I know that the shit is going to fly this week ok.

I walked into my mums and got basically told that my trousers look tight (hinting I’m fat). She also gave me two chocolate eclairs after my dinner. Those comments haven’t made me feel any better but since my few stone weight gain I’m used to the comments. There are no rules saying that larger women cannot wear tighter clothes. We still have a body but it’s just more rounded! I want younger women to see that it’s not a no go area to wear tight clothing if they happen to be on the overweight side. I grew up being told that if you’ve got fat pockets on you then you need to cover up in long flowing things that hide those parts.

Two black cats have crossed my path today! I’ve also had one of those feelings that I don’t like… dreams on and off for months. I haven’t said anything about my dreams because they involve others and as I’m on the psychic side I may pick up aspects of their life which it would be inappropriate to share on my blog. The ban on rental property evictions from tomorrow. I’ve always paid my rent but I still have red marks against my name in regards to being regularly told to go away via text due to my autism and the other week when I cancelled the routine gas inspection and ended up saying stuff in anger which I now regret but at the time I meant it. I haven’t said anything else or even made contact since our exchange of not very pleasant texts. I still worry that I will get my notice to leave too after the eviction ban ends. They might not be able to afford to keep the place and their personal circumstances (not going into dream details) may not allow them to keep the place and at the end of the day it won’t matter about my circumstances then.

I’m going to find it hard to find somewhere new but if it’s not working then I can’t willingly stay there knowing I’m causing hassle for someone else. I don’t want to complicate anyone else’s life by living in a place that they own which they can’t continue to afford. I have my own issues that won’t be helped by moving at this moment in time. That also makes me anxious. That is a huge move for me. I don’t like moving to the point I find it extremely stressful. As much as I ideally want change in my life, I find change initially mentally stressful due to being autistic. I need to be in the right head space to just go for it. I don’t think that is going to be me for a few years. I can temporarily pull myself together but unable to sustain that mindset yet. I’ve only just quit the alcohol completely. I won’t feel remotely myself until I’ve dropped the excess weight at the very least. I hope my ankle goes down soon because that isn’t making things easy either. I was told to call my gp about it by 111 helpline. They can see it and arrange an appointment for an x ray which doesn’t involve hours sat in A & E. I have to balance how I use it. If I use it too much then it swells up but it goes stiff if I don’t use it enough after the swelling goes down. I can feel the soreness in my toe area too so I’ve definitely damaged something in my foot/ankle area. I just hope that it’s easily fixed as I don’t want to have a deformed foot due to not getting it seen to when I actually injured it.