I basically just got told by my landlord via text that he is done with me as a tenant after the current contract ends, that he will be passing the flat back to the estate agent to manage. He doesn’t want the hassle of me any longer. It’s affecting our health etc. I take that on board but there are two sides to everything. How do others not understand that things that have happened to me has affected my health too? That is no ones fault but I’m at least going to put it out there. The way I’ve been treated due to the way my disability manifests has left me with trauma. That has made me ill. I’m sure that the trauma from those experiences have caused my monthly issues. I’m not an awful person but that is how growing up in this area has made me feel. I take rejection in any form quite hard. That is due to the fact that I’ve had so much of it in my life because of how people see parts of my autism. I try to be nice and I’m cut off. How is that fair? Then I’m told I have to basically now find somewhere else to go by this time next year. I’m no threat to anyone. I get treated like a threat because people don’t understand autism. I got labelled via school, education system etc. I will NEVER allow people to decide the narrative of who I am as a person.
Yes, I’ve done some stupid stuff in meltdown mode. However, those meltdowns don’t happen if others listened to me before I got to the point where it gets too much for me. Others like to say that they listen… but, in reality, they hear the words but not what I’m actually saying. I listen to everything others say, to the point where I take it to heart and it affects me. As far as things not affecting my health is concerned… I rarely sleep properly because of the trauma I’ve experienced. That alone destroys my health due to the fact that we need proper sleep. I know that we all have our own problems but I don’t want others to take theirs out on me. That isn’t fair. I try hard not to do it to others despite the fact that this is hard during meltdown mode. I don’t like others making out that I’m difficult. I’m honest and upfront. That is the only way things will change for autistic people and those with mental illness. I will not be made out to be someone that I am not just because others don’t agree with my approach in life. Others don’t get to decide that I’m dangerous due to the fact that I’m misunderstood as a person. The system has tried that… they will be held accountable for all the crap they’ve wrote about me but this will take many years. I want a peaceful life. I don’t get one since being born different. There’s nothing I would want more than to have more of a private life away from all the activism stuff. I can’t have that quiet life. It doesn’t come with this type of role I’ve taken on. I am not a disease, yet I’m treated like coronavirus by many people I’ve met in my life. It is totally wrong and I’m absolutely fed up of it! The neurotypical ways just do not make any sense whatsoever, there is no logic in the way that they do things either in relationships or in general. How has all that become the norm? Why does the norm seem to have no logic?