Reluctantly up and on a walk.

I got up really late despite not feeling up to it. I’m on a walk because I’m fat and need to lose weight again. I’m going to have to cut out the alcohol to actually lose weight and I seriously don’t want to do that. I have a brain that constantly argues with itself. The logical half is saying you never used to need it so why is it so important now? Then the other is saying that you weren’t trying to build a serious career out of the things you do and it is needed to deal other other people who might really get irritating which leads to me publicly ruining my reputation up.

I know myself too well. If it comes to settling the things from the past (I grew up where I live now) it’s gloves off in down for that discussion which may turn into an argument or at least a heated discussion. I also control other negative behaviours which drives others mad by plying myself with alcohol. I hate the after effects. I hate how it’s made me so inactive too. If I manage to go off of it for a month I can guarantee I will probably never touch it again. I don’t have that kind of will power at the moment.