Life gets harder to do.

I am tired because I couldn’t sleep all night (day sleeping is not a great idea). I have never felt this way before in my life. Is there a point you just think screw it? Living is harder than it has ever previously felt… ever. I feel like there is no point anymore. I have struggled for many years and just got mentally worn out. I am not even depressed. I’m just done with this life and all it’s painful experiences. I don’t feel stuff any longer since being on anti depressants so it feels like I’m constantly just in an emotionally numb void. I should be happy now because the blog is getting lots more visitors than it ever has since it started. I’m getting noticed as a person. I’m slowly starting to be included because people ‘know my name’. That doesn’t stop my struggle behind the scenes. I went through everything alone when I was an unknown. I felt alone because no one in my life could understand how I felt after things that happened to me. The most famous people have taken their own lives when they’ve had everything. I will probably finish myself off by accident by drinking excessively until my organs can’t do it any longer. They may already be suffering because I get lower backache after a few drinks regularly. I drink water too so I try to balance it out a little.