My true feelings…

I may as well launch my true feelings out there seeing as everyone else is being brutal today. I still carry a lot of anger regarding things I’ve been through. That doesn’t just disappear. I mostly channel it into creative stuff. It doesn’t just ever completely disappear. I’m not being unreasonable. I am not a nasty person but I will be absolutely blunt when discussing things. I’m trying to fight for a system where people don’t have to experience the things I went through. I have to be thick skinned and forceful in my views, things won’t change in the system I’d I don’t develop a don’t mess with me sort of character. I don’t particularly want to live back where I grew up. However, I don’t have much of a choice due to financial restrictions at the moment. I would love to move away and start again. I can’t do that right now.

The memories of my life in this area haunts me. I need to get away but circumstance means I have to sometimes walk head on in to the trauma of my memories. They can be like living in hell. I don’t feel like I’m appreciated as a person whatsoever. I promised myself I would never be like one of the cruel abusers from my past. I therefore am honest, straight up and not anything that resembles them. I still get shit for not having any hidden agendas, living life openly and being open. I can’t help it if that is something that upsets others. I never wanted to be remotely well known running a blog etc but that is how it turned out. This is the only way for abusers to be silenced both physically and in my head. I’m not a child any longer. I won’t be stamped on like I’m a piece of shit. People don’t get to use me any longer! I refuse to see myself as a bitch for sticking up for myself. I do care too much in many circumstances but I will NOT be a pushover!

Author: Diary of a Painfully Shy Introvert

A blog written by a female diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome but suspected PDA in more recent years. Musings of a Trainee Battleaxe was created to not only create awareness of the PDA part of the spectrum; but also to educate the public hopefully creating understanding in order to stop future generations being let down and labelled negatively. Disclaimer: There may be parts of this blog which viewers may find upsetting as it contains accounts of real life events which have been quite traumatic. However, it is all to help create a sense of understanding and combat the fear surrounding all aspects of mental illness and Pathological Avoidance Syndrome (a very little understood part of the autistic spectrum).

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