My true feelings…

I may as well launch my true feelings out there seeing as everyone else is being brutal today. I still carry a lot of anger regarding things I’ve been through. That doesn’t just disappear. I mostly channel it into creative stuff. It doesn’t just ever completely disappear. I’m not being unreasonable. I am not a nasty person but I will be absolutely blunt when discussing things. I’m trying to fight for a system where people don’t have to experience the things I went through. I have to be thick skinned and forceful in my views, things won’t change in the system I’d I don’t develop a don’t mess with me sort of character. I don’t particularly want to live back where I grew up. However, I don’t have much of a choice due to financial restrictions at the moment. I would love to move away and start again. I can’t do that right now.

The memories of my life in this area haunts me. I need to get away but circumstance means I have to sometimes walk head on in to the trauma of my memories. They can be like living in hell. I don’t feel like I’m appreciated as a person whatsoever. I promised myself I would never be like one of the cruel abusers from my past. I therefore am honest, straight up and not anything that resembles them. I still get shit for not having any hidden agendas, living life openly and being open. I can’t help it if that is something that upsets others. I never wanted to be remotely well known running a blog etc but that is how it turned out. This is the only way for abusers to be silenced both physically and in my head. I’m not a child any longer. I won’t be stamped on like I’m a piece of shit. People don’t get to use me any longer! I refuse to see myself as a bitch for sticking up for myself. I do care too much in many circumstances but I will NOT be a pushover!

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