We have only been out of lockdown restrictions for a day… this modern world is already crazy!

I can no longer use lockdown as an excuse not to hang out with people. Barely a day out of the restrictions I get a text from a male friend asking me what I actually wanted between us. We were friends and crossed that line after going out for the night. I never truly got how difficult it makes for a friendship to continue after a male and female go ‘there’. I find myself being afraid of him. I never saw his race before but now that stands out to me. I don’t even have an issue with that sort of thing. I met lots of people who were of different races growing up. I’ve never had an issue there. However, it is totally different when you’re at the age where you’re looking to settle down with the main goal of having more children. I have never had an issue with mixed race people but when I’ve had it run through my mind about my own children being half I’m not sure about that idea. I am as pale as anything and my kids may not even look like me. Then you can get throw backs of either black or white children (that will disappoint the parent who aren’t who they end up resembling). There is also a genetic variation that causes white patches on a darker persons skin. There’s going to be enough prejudice in their life without adding racial variations to that equation. They will get stigma just by being my child.

The main thing is that I don’t like him in that way. This is just my brain considering my age and the options I don’t find anyone to settle down with in a relationship. The first time I went for that life change I didn’t think it he same in my early 20s. I was friends with my son’s father but didn’t have many concerns that bugged me. I was only concerned with getting the outcome of what I desired. I agreed to no strings attached with the father because I was naive. I never knew the reality of what I was walking into until I threw myself into the plan. I’ve always been a little backward anyway and was probably still a teenager in my mind back then. Teenagers don’t develop logical thinking until later in life. That is why I am all see our stupidity later in life. Danger doesn’t exist as a youngster… they just jump into a pit of snakes thinking nothing of it.

While I’m on the subject of youngsters. The latest generation are trying to cancel Eminem, side partings and skinny jeans. They’ve barely lived through anything in life and are trying to tell the older generations how to dress. Excuse me kids… earn your influence like generations that have lived before some of your parents to were even born! I’m nearly in my mid 30’s and I’m still having to earn the positions that the older generations have had for many years. I had to work extremely hard to even remotely be able to influence discussions around the topic of mental health, autism etc. I went through an awful lot of crap to get there. I know that there are snowflakes who think that the likes of Eminem are too unpleasant to exist… grow a pair because life will screw you as you grow up… there is no one that managed to escape unpleasant situations. You just have to deal … that’s what we did because there’s no other option.

I woke up realising earlier that I somehow managed to change the settings in my phone while asleep. That is worrying as I’ve had the vaccine and heard all the stories about bill gates trying to program humans as extensions of computers.