I really am okay… not just pretending to be be okay. In comparison, I have been worse, so this is my okay. I still have itchy skin but it’s not sore like last night. I have gone for a nice walk after a much needed sleep.
People I know online knew that I cannot talk about the business. I was told to take down the post about my mother… by my mother. I still haven’t because as Dad would say we are both as stubborn as each other. I won’t put up with abusive shit that I thought was normal growing up because I knew no different. I went out into the world and ended up labelled and told I was rude for using the exact same phrasing that I heard growing up.
I can’t make others see their errors. I do however have an issue when it personally has affected my life. I am well aware of the reasons why a lot of my family no longer talk. I haven’t been brainwashed. I made up my own mind. I may be autistic but at certain points in my life I’ve seen certain relatives feeling uneasy with certain others; I can read their body-language.
The only way that you don’t get dragged into a vicious cycle in this family is to step out. Energy stagnates and as someone that can feel those things I intentionally keep my distance because being in the middle of past energy clashes affects me. If you carry that energy, all the people that come into your life are abusive. That is how it works and I’ve had enough of meeting snakes and walking trouble. I want to meet someone who isn’t a shit or has hidden agendas.
I know the the difficulties of growing up in a small area. Say exactly what you want about me, my past and aspects of my life… no one gives a damn because I have made sure I’ve owned all my mistakes and I am open about them!