Day: February 27, 2021

Today has been slightly better. An average day of my life.

I woke up with a migraine which wasn’t a pleasant start to my day. I actually slept quite well after getting home last night. I must have been worn out as I accidentally left my keys in the outside of my front door. I don’t do that often unless I’m either tired, in a rush or have lots of things in my hands. Luckily my neighbour knocked my door this afternoon to inform me of my absent mindedness. I wouldn’t have noticed until I popped the shop a few hours later. I hadn’t tried to look for my keys today as I didn’t get up until late. I aches all over this morning after washing car yesterday. I’m not as fit as I used to be before lockdowns. I am working up to becoming fitter: I drank less alcohol this week. I have just walked up a hill near my home. There are a few near me. I’m on a walk anyway. I may get rid of my migraine being in the fresh air. I feel less crap since I’ve been walking. I had to get a few bits from the shop so did it all on one go. Carrying a shopping bag is just like lifting weights.

I looked at old photos of me the other day, they popped up as memories on fb. I really wasn’t as fat as I used to assume. I look too skinny in one of my old super skinny jeans. I reminded myself of a twig. I look a hell of a lot better now I have filled out a little. I couldn’t see that even a few years ago. I’m a lot happier than when I was only a size 8 to 10. I can see why other women were jealous of the way I looked. I spent my life constantly missing out on nice food and alcohol. I didn’t realise how disciplined I used to be. I just didn’t any alcohol regularly and never liked fast food. I still eat healthy stuff which is normally something like quorn and vegetables for main evening meal. I mostly eat veggie stuff. I eat a sandwich for lunch which is like normally the quorn version of ham or chicken. I either eat apricot wheats (full of sugar = bad) or Kellogg’s apricot and peach cereal (red berries on occasions when the supermarket hasn’t got the other one). I’m a creature of habit that will never try new things, regardless how much certain friends tell me I should eat curry.

I found out my TMA result for my last law module assignment this afternoon. I woke up to an email saying it had been marked. 66%! That was good considering I got to the point I got so stressed with it that I ended up finding extra resources online regarding the things I didn’t understand and winged it by making all the information flow. I do not recommend to others doing law degrees to use the winging it method. You have to reference and show that you understand the material while applying it to the issue presented on the assignment questions. It’s a difficult subject and I’m only on level 1 (2nd of the first two modules via open university). I took a week off for reading week and now I need to get my brain to function again.

27th February Strawberry Moon poking through trees

Mentally exhausted…

I didn’t know that this was an actual thing but that is the only way I can describe how I’m feeling right now. Maybe it’s just the type of day I’ve had. I came home to my own flat looking like a mess. It makes me tired just looking at it, let alone attempting to clean it all up when I get up in the morning. Life just takes its toll eventually. I feel like I’m clinging to the walls during waking hours. There are a lot of them when you’ve got insomnia. The pandemic is verging on the end at this moment in time. I’m finding it harder now than I have all the way through. I don’t want to go back to what we knew as a normal life. There was so much of that crap which was awful. What’s the point in all this if we are just going to go back to that? We went through a year of collective hell and lost so many people in the process. Don’t we owe it to those that do not have a future due to being victims of the virus? The status quo wasn’t working. The minority voices and those living in all kinds of poverty made themselves heard during lockdown. They were previously drowned out for many years due to the noise of every day normal non lockdown life. We can’t expect them to sit back down and shut up. Those of us who can naturally pick stuff up get frustrated with idiots in the world making things ten times worse. Those types don’t want things to change. Those types don’t care about anything or anyone but themselves. It’s tiring to be in a world where the majority are happy with the awful state of affairs. Some of us aren’t passive. We cannot sit by and not say or do anything. I have had to learn not to absorb things like a sponge otherwise I end up ill. Energy is real, surrounds us and can sometimes be toxic to those of us that are intuitive in that department. The person I liked who got me into a hell of a lot of trouble was what is known as an energy vampire. I used to feel something in their presence. As someone young, I wasn’t afraid of the rather draining aspects of their aura (energy field)… let’s face it, I was just as chaotic in my energy after the trauma is been through from a young age. These types are bad to let into your life. Trouble just follows them like a magnet. The older me just wants to chill out away from all the toxic energies. I absorb other peoples energies so easily. I literally would probably be able to feel any evil person or dodgy person by getting a headache in their presence or something similar. There are some individuals that make me feel sick just by being around them.