I’ve come to the conclusion that I just clash with other women.

I have always longed for a female best friend my entire life. I now feel that in reality that is never going to happen. Aside from the fact that they all assume that a lesbian will try to hit on them, I just naturally clash with others of the same sex. I seem to upset them just by being myself. I also upset them when I try my hardest to not be me either.

Maybe it’s that we’re naturally the most complex sex. I used to be gutted about never being capable of having a best friend of the same sex. I got used to the fact that other girls just don’t seem to like me.

It’s less bitchiness in my life. Women are naturally prone to gossip and bitching others. They’ve all done it whether they admit it or not. I don’t know why it has to be that way but it seems to be a social construct deeply routed into our society. I’m not innocent in that department. I can get quite vindictive with other women if I feel crossed or hurt by their actions.

The reality of our social interactions is far from ideal. Men hate the way we can be when we do clash. Men simply communicate their differences by physical violence and then get over it. But women fight in so many ways involving lots of layers. I may not understand the details of those layers due to my autism, but I can naturally do them like a non autistic woman.

At the same time, I hate conflict. That means I never end up finishing any conflicts in my life because I literally get afraid of the other person. I hate the dynamics of adult relationships and friendships. It all seems so fake to me. Sincerity seems to have reduced as age increases. It was so simple as a teenager or younger adult. The only thing you had to do was hang with each other, tag along and hope for the best. That is seen as weird when you’re no longer young.