Depression is not a choice!

I didn’t get to my mothers today and now it seems like she’s fallen out with me. Depression isn’t a choice! Under normal circumstances I’d be at hers every weekend but right now I just can’t do it. It’s taken me all day to do things that need doing around here. I’m trying my best but it’s hard to fight. People not talking to me for letting them down won’t magically get rid of my depression. It’s not just pandemic related for me. I worked so hard for years not knowing what had been written about me in the past. In reality there was no way that I could possibly succeed with all those things on my permanent record. We don’t have the same perm at record systems as America but we have multiple places that info is stored about us here in the uk. Schools are actively deciding children’s futures just by stating opinions on them as people. It’s a sly form of eugenics. Then there are professionals children who grew up getting away with being a lot worse than I am. It’s totally wrong! I don’t know how people don’t get annoyed at the crap that goes on when it comes to how those of us with conditions get treated?

I was put through hell due to things that school decided I must be because I was difficult to understand. I was labelled a criminal and sent away due to those written assumptions! Then I lost my son to adoption due to all that historical information which describes a person who isn’t me! I have a life sentence on the outside and got briefly put inside because of that absolute bullshit. Yes I am annoyed as there are lots of free evil people in powerful positions out there who have no excuse in regards to having a mental health problem or being autistic. They’re free despite being evil and abusive to their core. I’m stuck being labelled negatively when all I’ve done is care alongside coping with my autism.