I was watching a program about murderers earlier. There wasn’t much else on… I’m not that morbid. I have noticed a worrying theme to these types of programmes. The murderers are always the odd balls, the helpful friendly types, the ones that have natural charm. That makes me feel potentially in danger of being accused of the unthinkable. I’m an odd ball, friendly and have been described as charming. I would just like to point blankly declare that I could never do that kind of thing. I may be different, definitely not like many people of my age, but that doesn’t mean I’m dangerous or have any hidden agendas. It’s hard enough to get others to trust me without programmes casting people’s doubts about each other. That doesn’t help people like me to fit in and be accepted in relationships. I don’t trust people after things I’ve been through. I do like people that are older than myself. I have no intention to screw anyone over (despite my past revenge efforts). It is entirely possible for someone from a younger generation to generally want to be with someone older. It shouldn’t be frowned upon, we aren’t all gold diggers that will knock off some oldies for personal gain. That is morally as low as you can possibly go. I’m supposed to lack empathy as an autistic person but these people who will do that kind of crap are psychopaths/sociopaths. I make mistakes, nothing I have ever done has been intentional, only a result of high anxiety and lack of acceptance for the reality of my potential sexuality.
I think I may be closer to the oldies than ever at the moment. I swear that I smelt menopausal earlier (long story, autistic exceptional ability to smell, smelt it on other females that were going through it) and paranoid that the vaccination has brought it on early. I genuinely wanted to be with certain others that have been older than me. Unfortunately, when it came to my age and how they knew me, they couldn’t see me in the way I’d have preferred. There will be those that tell me that me and someone I used to like (probably always will care about too) would be bad for each other if we did ever go there or even become friends. Most of them can’t see passed the age gap thing, it’s not all about what happened.