I feel slightly better about my own personal situation now that I’ve asked around. These are the things that I do know around the whole adoption process.

I decided to pose the question regarding letterbox contact with birth families earlier today. I posted the same question in several of the groups full of parents that have had experiences with social services. There seems to be many that do not have contact via letterbox. Many of those had letterbox contact approved at the adoption hearing. I know for a fact that a couple who adopted two children in our family had to write to the birth mother due to having a contact order with the courts. I don’t speak to them directly so I cannot ask them what is happening nowadays. I cannot say too many details either because the birth mother of those children could be in one of the same social network groups. I have sympathy for the birth family due to having had my son forcibly adopted myself. I do know that my relatives that adopted two children aren’t allowed in a certain locality and the children aren’t allowed their photos published in the paper, online etc. I happened to be in a local community building waiting for my probation officer (before they got kicked out of that building) there was a group of school children going around the war exhibition. There was about a quarter of that class that got called aside so that they weren’t included in the school’s photos. I was shocked. I expected less children in a class to be on the photo restrictions list.

Photo by Fuzzy Rescue on Pexels.com

I went to school with a few people back in the early 2000s who I later found out were adopted. I never knew at that time. They only disclosed the details to me after finding out that I had lost my son to adoption. There was at least three of them in the same year as me in secondary school. Ironically, all of them admitted to me that they weren’t happy with their adopters. I would never have guessed that their families weren’t birth relatives. I know that at least two of them no longer have any form of contact with their adopters now. I have found out many shocking things about our local system while digging for information that could help clear my name. There are many individuals that seemingly weren’t trustworthy working in schools and other professional roles. I trusted some of them and fully ended up paying the price for the rest of my life. I advocate not trusting those in professional roles due to my own experiences. I’m not saying that everyone in the system cannot be trusted. I’m just saying that it isn’t wise to be open with anyone that you meet through as being naïve will end in tears.

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