I wish that I was more ok than I am.

I have made progress in regards to the trauma i experienced in life. I just wish that I’d made a lot more progress. I still struggle every day despite being better than previously. I still hate the day light hours because it means hi have to face the world. I don’t like the thought of facing that criticism or judgement. I know what it’s like to experience those things on a daily basis over many years. In a logical world it would make sense that I would find it easier to deal with by this point of my life. That just isn’t the case. I am able to stick up for myself much better than previously. I was bullied and treated like crap by others for many years before I learned to be harder. I won’t allow anyone to play me or disrespect me. I could be so much better mentally and more confident but that just isn’t happening yet. It’s took a long time to get over certain things. I don’t want to waste my life being still affected by the trauma of my past. Unfortunately it doesn’t seem to be a matter of choice. I still end up battling certain aspects of past trauma on a daily basis. There are times when I don’t even want to get out of bed. That is a huge problem at the moment.