I slept during the day. That wasn’t the best idea. I just can’t sleep at night again. I’m not settled mentally at the moment. I’m hormonal due to approaching that time of the month. I felt like crying for no reason earlier. I haven’t rearranged the appointment that I missed last week. I know it’s important but if I don’t know potential bad news then there’s no more hassle, stress or worries in my life. I would rather not know to be completely honest. I’m mentally and emotionally tired from things that have already happened. I need to rest before walking into the next chapter of potential trauma. I don’t know how long it’s going to take me to heal those scars. I’ve healed a bit more recently. There are certain things that I will never get over. I don’t think I will ever trust anyone again which will probably lead to being single my whole life. It’s not that bad. I have grown to be comfortable being single. It would be weird living with another person after so long living alone.
I think it’s important that we all step out for a break from life plans at this time during the pandemic. We were all so wrapped up in our own lives until lockdown one happened. We were all just blindly living our lives totally unaware of the year that was about to hit us. 60 odd thousand of us (in the U.K.) no longer get to fulfil our life plans. That has devastated their family and friends. It shows that we should never take life for granted. 2020 has hammered that home throughout the worlds population. Time is something we just assume that we have but it’s an illusion. Time goes so fast when it comes to the years passing by. Things that feel like they happened yesterday actually were a decade ago etc. I just can’t deal with every day life at the moment. I have a lot to do but no enthusiasm to get out of bed during the day.