Private life stays private but I’m exhausted!

I try to keep a lot of my life private. I don’t like discussing things in general with others. I just feel exhausted right now. I’m not feeling well at the moment. I’m trying to walk every day. That’s wearing me down but if I don’t do it then I gain weight. I’m starting to lose the weight that I’ve gained. I don’t want to reverse that again. I don’t want to struggle with trying to keep the balance because that’s mentally exhausting. I have never struggled with this much fatigue in the past. I don’t just feel tired. I also feel heavy and my bones ache. I know it sounds ridiculous but that is the only way to describe how my joints feel. I am so fed up! The effort it takes to do every day things, let alone try to go for a walk is like climbing a hill. I am used to being this way but it’s so much worse now. In comparison to now I used to be full of energy. I am sure that my smear test will bring up something I don’t want to face. I have to go for it as it’s a year and a half late already. I delayed going for one and then everything got cancelled due to the pandemic. I have a bad feeling about what might be the result of the test but I’m trying to tell myself that it’s not my intuition, only my worries playing on my mind.

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