I feel like I don’t deserve anything.

I woke up at a stupid hour feeling down. It’s amplifying how I constantly have kept feeling for a long time. I don’t feel that I deserve anything I have in my life. That I’m not a good enough person to have a reasonably comfortable life nowadays. I was an awful person in my past up until quite recently. The fact that I was still quite young doesn’t make it any better. I haven’t worked for the things I’ve managed to get in life. That’s even worse at the moment with the masses of people losing their jobs due to the fallout of the pandemic. I feel guilty for getting tired when I don’t work for a living. I should have absolutely nothing to my name. I have luxury items that not even those who work can afford. I genuinely qualify for the benefits I do receive but morally I’m not a lazy person. I feel lazy in this pandemic era because we get shielding letters like we’re being wrapped up in cotton wool. I don’t want to be protected when there is many people having no choice but to go out there and lost their life after catching the virus. I feel guilty for being in a better position than most at the moment and truly not being deserving of anything.

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