I feel like I don’t deserve anything.

I woke up at a stupid hour feeling down. It’s amplifying how I constantly have kept feeling for a long time. I don’t feel that I deserve anything I have in my life. That I’m not a good enough person to have a reasonably comfortable life nowadays. I was an awful person in my past up until quite recently. The fact that I was still quite young doesn’t make it any better. I haven’t worked for the things I’ve managed to get in life. That’s even worse at the moment with the masses of people losing their jobs due to the fallout of the pandemic. I feel guilty for getting tired when I don’t work for a living. I should have absolutely nothing to my name. I have luxury items that not even those who work can afford. I genuinely qualify for the benefits I do receive but morally I’m not a lazy person. I feel lazy in this pandemic era because we get shielding letters like we’re being wrapped up in cotton wool. I don’t want to be protected when there is many people having no choice but to go out there and lost their life after catching the virus. I feel guilty for being in a better position than most at the moment and truly not being deserving of anything.

Author: Diary of a Painfully Shy Introvert

A blog written by a female diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome but suspected PDA in more recent years. Musings of a Trainee Battleaxe was created to not only create awareness of the PDA part of the spectrum; but also to educate the public hopefully creating understanding in order to stop future generations being let down and labelled negatively. Disclaimer: There may be parts of this blog which viewers may find upsetting as it contains accounts of real life events which have been quite traumatic. However, it is all to help create a sense of understanding and combat the fear surrounding all aspects of mental illness and Pathological Avoidance Syndrome (a very little understood part of the autistic spectrum).

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