Insomnia is starting to mess with my head. I can’t do this sleep pattern any longer.

I have the most awful sleep pattern. I always have had sleep issues but this pattern is the worse I’ve ever had previously. I can’t function properly. I may seem like I can function but I feel like I’m clinging on to my sanity. I’m probably not the only one mentally stressed at the moment. The stuff that is going on with lockdown is bound to stress everyone out. I’m finally letting go of any of the sanity I have left at this point. I haven’t taken my anti depressants in a few days. I’m not up due to insomnia keeping me awake all night. I don’t think medication can make things seem stable any longer as we are living in unstable times.

We can’t pop pills and hope for the best while numbing ourselves to the harsh reality of life. I get that some people need medication but I’m not sure if I’m one of them. I want to be able to feel things again. Antidepressants are the equivalent to wearing a mask to keep out emotions. They aren’t a virus. Those feelings are essential to feel fully alive. Otherwise it’s a case of walking through life like a numb zombie. I miss having proper feelings. Without them I’m merely existing rather than living a full life. I’m mentally tired. I may need a chemical break from medication. I can’t cold turkey but I can cut down until I feel normal emotionally and no longer numb.